Return of the Jedi

The bitch is back! And by "bitch" I mean "alien cyborg swimmer sent to destroy everything in it's path." And when I say "alien cyborg swimmer sent to destroy anything in its path" I mean Michael Fred Phelps - but you probably already knew that.

This weekend was host to Charlotte Ultraswim - and what a fitting title that was. This was not only a big meet for lots of our favorites - Reezy, PVK, Cullen Jones- but it marks the return of Michael Phelps to competition after a little... slip up... which cost him a 3 month suspension back in February. You know, If I didn't know better (and I do) I would have thought that Mikey planned that whole debacle out just to make us sweat for a few months. To build up the anticipation and make us question the real advantage of his weird flexibility, long torso, big feet and to let us stew over whether or not he could really come back post-partying, post-loss-of-8-pack, post-vegas and kick some real ass. Well he showed us. Shame on us for doubting! I really only have my own cynical self to blame, or maybe it's the lack of Kellogg's products in my diet that have caused a deficiency in certain vitamins that promote intellectual vigor - either one. But what this meet showed us that Michael's triumphant return to competitive swimming can really only be compared to Luke's kick ass force-using skills in Return of the Jedi, part 3 of the Star Wars Saga.

For those of you who don't know, I was way into Star Wars when I was ten. And by 'way into' I mean I had the boy version of Polly Pocket that featured a Storm Trooper helmet that housed the Death Star inside and my father pretended not to speak English at a vintage Comic Book shop as part of a scheme just to get me a real Storm Trooper Helmet as Christmas present - true story. Anyway what I'm getting at is that there are various elements to the Star Wars saga that relate to Michael Fred's career and grand return. Aside from the obvious daddy issues they share, these two have a lot in common. You see, even though I'm pretty sure Luke never took a hit off that long pipe that Jabba the Hut was smoking, he's had his fair share of problems. Michael's "rebellious" period can really only be compared to Luke's refusal to be a farmer on Tatooine. Even though Uncle Owen and Mamma Phelps raised their respective boys right, sometimes a young man must venture off on his own, leaving the next and/or home planet with 2 suns to meet new people, try new things and even make some mistakes along the way (though I blame Han Solo for most of Luke's downfall.) Alright, so maybe refusal to be a farmer isn't as bad as smoking an illegal substance but Luke might have done some other stuff too I mean, who knows what was in that blue milk they drank on Tatooine.

Aside from being a little rebellious here and there, both Luke and Michael have been able to hone their skills under the guidance of very strong mentors. I know what you're thinking, the clear choice for casting Bob Bowman would be Obi-Wan Kenobi, but I must remind you that Obi-Wan dies in the first movie and though his voice still follows Luke around but it's really not the same (plus I don't think Bowman looks like an older Ewan McGregor at all.) This is precisely why I see Bob Bowman as more of a Yoda character. You see, while Yoda is the ultimate Jedi master and teaches Luke how to really use the force, he and Luke do not always see eye to eye, in part because Yoda is about 2 feet tall, but also because Yoda uses unorthodox methods of training that a young kid like Luke really doesn't understand. Clearly Yoda knows what he's doing - he's had 900 years of Jedi training for crying out loud! Bowman, though well behind 900 years, has been at this for a long time and clearly knows how to train champions. And even though Bowman and Luke, I mean Michael, might have some screaming matches at the pool you can be damn sure that if it came down to it, after everything they've accomplished together, Mikey would carry that dude through a swamp in a little tiny back pack Yoda style.

What I'm getting at is that for both of these guys after all the existential crises, training with mentors and becoming friends with a very handsome fellow space traveler and/or swimmer with an alternative personality (Michael : Luke :: Reezy : Han) it was time to get down to business. Sure they both faltered along the way - kissing a sister, getting a DUI, losing a hand and being caught on a camera phone - both men brushed it all off in time to make a triumphant return - even though Luke was kind of annoying in the last movie and had 3 years to Michael's 3 months to train, but that's beside the point. Both revealed new weapons - Luke opting for a the new green (not blue) Light Saber and Michael debuting some new stroke that may or may not eventually stick and a death stare like nothing you've ever seen - and were ready to rock. Aside from that, the main thing they had in common is that they were focused and had the tools to kick some major ass - and Luke's decision not to kill his father who clearly deserved it can only be compared to Michael's sportsmanship (think Team France.) Hopefully after such hard work Michael had a little (and I mean little) after party, Ewok Barbecue style.

Okay so maybe those comparisons weren't exact but I think you get the general gist. Plus there's lots of little things like the fact that there isn't much diversity in space (cough cough Lando Calrissian) or in swimming or the fact that lots of former Jedi's end up being mentors and are instrumental in keeping the Jedi culture alive (cough cough Mel Stewart.)

Hey, maybe the whole robotic hand thing can explain this new straight-arm freestyle...

Originally Posted @ The Cosmic Kid